Lonliness – what is the definition? Being Alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are physically alone and without a network. You may read a lot about Post Natal Depression but how often do you read about parents who are lonely?
I decided to write this post following a trip into my local town (by myself I hasten to add) and as I wandered around Tesco for the 2nd time this week and muttered to Nandy about what should we have for tea – not that he could reply – I’m just talking to myself again!
It’s a strange thing, I have many, many friends and acquaintances – I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a network of mums through NCT and baby groups, we talk all the time, I get messages from friends and I go to regular baby groups three times a week – so why do I feel lonely I hear you ask?
Well, it’s the absence of adult conversation, it’s the absence of people that understand. My child free friends don’t understand the daily struggle of dealing with an active grumpy 8 month old who wants you to pick up the toy he has thrown on the floor for the 10th time, the endless hours spent feeding and changing nappies, applying eczema cream whilst singing “old macdonald” to him over and over again.
I’m fortunate I have a the option to see my friends a few times a week but it’s left me wondering about those mums without that luxury? Those who feel too nervous and shy to talk to that other mum in the corner at baby group. I’ve noticed over the past 8 months that alot of mums go to the groups with their own mum, it sad isnt it that we feel too scared to go alone through fear of not having anyone to talk to.
It’s not just the physcial lonliness, its the menal lonliness, those times you stare at the inside of a nappy wondering if ‘its normal’ or looking at their habits and behaviours and wondering if you are doing the right thing but you’re not sure who you can confide in.
I pick up the phone and call hubby for the 5th time in the day ‘just to tell him that Nandy just smiled’, forgetting that he is actually busy at work and doesnt have time to keep taking my calls about nothing which cant wait til he gets home.
The clock strikes 5pm and I find myself staring at it and thinking ‘yay, daddy will be home soon’ – Im sure I cannot be the only one who feels this way.
All I would say is that Im extremely grateful for those mummy friends which I do have as without them things would be much harder.
Plus Im loving every minute of being a mum, I dont particularly want to go back to work either, but I think I will feel grateful for some me time once more.
So all I ask is, next time you are out and about and you see that mum looking lost in the corner, take 5 minutes out from your conversation with your friends to integrate her and ask her name, it might just make her day!
Have you experienced issues with lonliness in motherhood, leave me a comment.