Further to my post on “the dreaded return to work” I thought it was time to write an update.
During June I have embedded myself back into work using KIT days (for those of you who are not familiar with the concept of KIT days then they are keeping in touch days, days where you can bed yourself back into work without formally ending your maternity leave)
I have used eight KIT days during June, in which time Nandy has also started nursery.
So, how does it feel I hear you cry!? I wrote in my previous blog post about the positives people shared with me on drinking a hot cup of tea and actually getting time to be a bit more “me”. The reality is quite different in my opinion. I have drunk less tea since being back and had less me time than ever before!
I have very much hit the ground running with my work and I am so busy I barely have time to worry about how Nandy is getting on at nursery which is good – I think!?
I have to be honest, the office politics are getting me down, I’d forgotten how political the office can be, I do feel my brain has gone into overdrive since being back with all the updates on the latest action.
The first few days were not so bad, however this past week I have been working 3 days a week and it’s really hit hard.
When I got home last night Nandy barely looked at me, the guilt I felt in that moment was so intense and I couldn’t help but shed some tears. I got quite emotional when hubby told me the new skills Nandy had acquired that I had missed out on. I was reduced to a sobbing mess and left feeling quite sorry for myself.
Apparently his crawling technique has improved massively and he can now wave and play peekabo. When I look at him he seems to look so big too! It makes my heart ache!
As I’ve said lots of times before I was very career orientated before and I’m really surprised at how I’ve felt about my return to work, I still have so much passion and drive for what I do, but the edge has gone.
I’ve been faced with a few queries from colleagues such as “what are you doing now” and “what does your role look like going forward” and it’s hit me hard. My role hasn’t changed at all, I’m still the same person and as capable as I was before,
I can already see it’s going to take me a while to get settled and get everyone to trust me again.
It’s taken me a while to get to the level of seniority I am at now and I’m not willing to let it go because I’ve become a mother too. So – Fingers crossed things start to feel better for me soon!
I’d love to hear from anyone who work in senior positions who have made the transition into work – do you feel guilty and do you have any tips on how to deal with things?